Neuro Linguistic Programing

Thomas Grinder and Richard Bandler coined the term Neurolinguistic Programming. It’s meaning and use has expanded and changed over the years. As the term suggests the premise is individuals may be programmed much like computers, the neurology being the hard drive and the “language” doing the programming and triggering responses. Inspired by the work of Milton Erickson and other hypnotherapists NLP sought to uncover the the unconscious “programs” of  themselves and people they wanted to model or affect. Grinder’s classes that I attended were primarily about modeling. Bandler demonstrated time and again he could effect and control others at an unconscious level with the tools of NLP.

Your unconscious runs your body (all the myriad automatic functions), stores all the memories of everything that has happened in your life, and is the domain of your emotions, among other things. This great reservoir that is you, is really your faithful servant, doing the best job it can to keep you alive, functioning, healthy and happy. And yet because of limiting decisions, negative emotions and trying experiences from the past, it acts to protect us and sometimes inadvertently perpetuates syndromes that are limiting to us. The unconscious is also the domain of our family system programming.

Since it is out of our awareness, we can sometimes become a slave to these unconscious programs. By understanding the nature of the unconscious, we are then able to better reprogram our unconscious thinking and enable more empowering decisions and behaviors. One of the presuppositions of NLPis that no one needs to be fixed rather they need to be offered better choices.

Words and Questions
Wording things in the positive is one of the simplest and most important things you can do to help yourself. The unconscious does not hear negatives. If someone says don’t think of a pink elephant your unconscious mind obediently creates a picture of a pink elephant. In terms of your health if you say to yourself, “I don’t want to be sick” your unconscious mind hears “want to be sick” and obediently creates the reality you picture. It would be better to say “Iwant to be well.”

Your mind will also obediently respond to any question you have. If you ask what is wrong here? Your mind will let you know. If you ask what is right here, or how can I make this situation better? Your mind will come up with the answer. When you go to bed at night you might ask yourself, “What was wonderful about my day?”

The mind/body connection
Your “mind” exists not only in the head but through your entire body. The neurons and ganglia that transport information in your brain exist throughout your body. A gut feeling is as much a part of our intelligence or “mind” as a hunch is. Our body’s are inextricably bound to our feelings. If you slump and let your head fall how do you feel? If you stand to your fullest height, lift your head and smile how do you feel? All our experiences that are stored in our unconscious are also stored in the body. I said, your unconscious runs your body, it is also true your body runs the unconscious.

Anchoring
Anchoring is an NLP technique that is related the body/mind link. Pavlov’s dog’s repeatedly heard a bell ring before they were fed as a result they would salivate when the bell rang even if there was no food. If two stimulus happen simultaneously they become linked in the body/mind. If every time you felt ecstacy you touched your little finger to your temple, at some point just putting your little finger to your temple would give you the feeling of ecstacy.

Representational systems
We perceive through our senses of sight, hearing , touch taste and smell. Through observation it was discovered that as we access information or create it our eyes move in specific directions.

A remembered image is up and to the right.          A constructed image is up and to the left.

A remembered sound is sideways to the right.     A constructed sound is sideways to the left

Internal Dialogue is down to the right.                  Emotional feelings ar down to the left

 
We  speak as well as think in these sensory modes. Each person has their own personal code. Someone may be predominantly auditory and use auditory adjectives almost exclusively or they may use a combination that will usually appear in the same order.

Visual -It looks great to me. People who are primarily visual are fast talkers and movers.
Auditory - I like the sound of that. Auditory people are medium paced.
Kinesthetic - That feels right to me. Kinesthetic people are slower.
Vestibular -I want to mention this modality it is left out by most NLPpractitioners. It was never mentioned by Grinder or Bandler though they used it extensively in creating trance. The vestibular system is centered in the inner ear it is responsible for recognizing our location in space. This is the most powerful of all the modalities when doing trance or change work. Sinking, floating, going down or up to the other side or inside are great trance inducers, also anything to do with going back or forward in time.  When doing Family Systems Work we are always manipulating the vestibular element, family members change their positions relative to one another and we go back in time. I believe the vestibular to be the most important element in creating change.
When we picture something, the internal screen we view it on, is in a specific location relative to our bodies. Changing the location will change your experience of the picture.

Meta Programs
People have ways they process information somewhat like the operating system in a computer. There are dozens of meta programs these are a few:

Towards or away from

A person who moves towards is one who is primarily motivated by what they want, or what they are moving towards.

The “away from” person is motivated by what they want to avoid.

Matching or mismatching

A “matching person” receives information and agrees with it to process it.

A “mismatcher” says no first to process information.

In time or through time

An in time person is focused on the present moment with out regard for the past or future. It is great to be with an in time person because they give you their total attention. The draw back is they are often late, the appointment they made in the past is not as important as where they are in the moment.

A through time person is aware of of the past and future as well as the present. They are on time because they are aware of time. They do not naturally have the benefit of being 100% in the present.

Values and Rules
Our values are what is most important to us in a given context. Rules are how we know if our values are being met. Values and rules are part of what determines the choices we make. I have attached a one page work sheet to elicit values and the rules that define them.

Pacing and Leading
If you want to influence someone the best way is to pace and lead. First you gain rapport by matching them, enter their world, then you can lead them easily.

To gain rapport with someone, and to make them feel understood use the same type of adjectives they do in the same order. It is actually easier to use exactly the same descriptive words they do, as well as tone of voice and rhythm of speech. Because words are “anchors” they have unique meanings to each individual. Replacing a word with a word of your own will have a different meaning to them.

Pacing and matching can and should include as many modalities as possible. You can match their predicates (visual , auditory, kinesthetic), the key phrases they use, their body language, as well the tempo and volume they speak with. The most powerful way to match someone is to breath with them. Notice when they inhale and exhale and stay with them. Once you are really in rapport they will follow you where you want to lead.

Strategies
Strategies are the sequence of steps taken to accomplish  something. In cake baking if you put the flour and eggs in the oven to bake prior to mixing them you would have a very different outcome than the cook you were modeling. In pacing and modeling it is important to notice strategies.

Every person has a strategy for feeling loved. If you have a partner it is really good to know what their strategy is. Some are simple and others are more complex and require several steps. My husband just needs a nice firm kiss, simple and easy. He will actually start to think I don't love him if I go too long without kissing him. Some people need to be taken places and bought gifts. It is not that they are "materialistic" or less spiritual, just the way they are hard wired. We often unconsciously assume other people must have the same strategy we do. To illicit someone's strategy simply ask them to remember a specific time they felt deeply loved. Then ask what exactly was happening, and then what happened next.

Modeling
One of the presuppositions of NLPis that if one person can do something, any one can do it by modeling the person who does it well. Like pacing it involves taking on all the qualities of the person being modeled. It may appear to be mimicry but goes deeper, inviting you to also adopt values, rules and strategies of the person being modeled. 

This is a very brief and by no means complete overview of what NLP refers to, I haven’t even mentioned the basic concepts of meta models (how to question someone to get accurate information) or reframing (how to see the benefit of any situation). If your interested there is wealth of information available in books and on the internet.